rainy morning

it’s a rainy morning here in Chicago… although i have already gone to one class today, i feel like i am still in my pj’s and have yet to wake up.

Last night i talked to my friend, several-year roommate, and maid-of-honor, Linds. She is in KY doing mission work in Appalachia for a year while i am here in Chicago. I’ve lived apart from Linds two summers and a semester during our four years as neighbors and roommates, and i finally realized last night that this is not like before… I’m not gone for just a semester or a summer this time.

I got off the phone with Linds late last night and just cried and cried. I haven’t cried nearly that hard since I moved back to Chicago. I think my bubble finally burst… I realized I left my old life behind and there is no going back and finding it again. I can keep the friendships across distance and time, I can visit the places I used to live, but the world I loved no longer exists.

My roommates are now scattered- Connecticut, Florida, Kentucky, Illinois, and Wisconsin. The six of us are spread across the country, two of us are married, and there is no hope of ever going back to the great days of sharing life together in 110 N. Brooks Apt. L or 2024 Kendall Apt 4… those places are still there, but they are no longer home.

So this rainy morning I am mourning the loss of a great life and family and relationships… we are now too scattered to share life the way we used to, and phone calls always seem to far between to really allow us to be part of each others’ lives. I miss it and i really hate this part of growing up…

What do you do when you miss a place that no longer exists?


3 thoughts on “rainy morning

  1. Maybe, I don’t really know, when you miss a place that no longer exists you savor the memory and try to bring into the present some of the things you loved about the past.

    I’m missing a place that no longer exists big time, too. It’s great to have such wonderful times in life that you actually miss them. Hang in there!

  2. maria, this was really a beautiful entry. i have felt that pang of longing for a world that no longer exists, too. lately, though, that pang has seemed to turn into an eagerness for the world we were meant to be a part of. everytime i miss my college days or my childhood or my 4 years in chicago, i thank god that he’s been faithful to caring for me in every season of my life, and that someday, someday i hope (!), things will be as they should be.

    thanks for sharing your heart on this. i’ll be thinking of you.

  3. This is going to sound harsh but here’s something my mom told me when I moved to Madison, all alone, in the middle of college leaving all my close friends and connections in Minnesota. “You have to grow up sometimes, it isn’t fun, but it’s part of life.” I think her point was that we all grow up and that it does suck but it can be sooooo good as well. I have found that my friendships have grown deeper and you begin to cherish those people even more! Those phone calls, letters, emails, cards and reunions are so much better! And now that my closest friends and I have in the past year and a half become even more spread out (NYC, Madison, Minneapolis, Sudan) our sisterly love has grown! So there is hope! I promise! 🙂 (Not to downplay how hard it is, it’s taken me a couple years to feel this way!)

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